sirena: (End on end like a long lost astronaut.)
I wish that I could be purely excited about beginning new chapters in my life, rather than dreading the loss of whatever it is I'll have to leave behind. Have I always been so pessimistic? I just want to take it all with me. I want to have my cake and eat it too.

What is so wrong with that?
sirena: (End on end like a long lost astronaut.)
I am a right mess lately.
sirena: (blood blood blood)
So uh, hey, LJ.

Today I had a sucky day. It isn't often that I just feel sucky all day, but today I sort of did.

Well, let me first start with the OH MY GOD TWO BLIZZARDS IN FIVE DAYS. It kept the federal government closed from Monday to Thursday, which cost taxpayers like $350 million dollars. Sorry, guys, our winters average 18" of snowfall--we were not prepared for the 4-feet-plus that we got over the past week (DC and Baltimore broke their seasonal averages with 75" and 79.9" respectively). So Jeremy and I were holed up in my apartment for the past week, sitting on our asses, and not really working (although I wish I had been, now I have to make up hours (shit)), while I also dealt with a cold that I apparently got from eating snow (according to my grandmother). Monday evening, while trying to park my car at my apartment amidst WALLS of snow, I got my car stuck on a chunk of frozen snow and ice and had to enlist several nice neighbors (including one with a delightful Australian accent (he said "whereabouts"! hee hee)) to help dig me out. So fucking embarrassing.

And it is going to snow AGAIN on Monday/Tuesday. NO NO NO. Foot's Forecast puts it at 6". (National Weather Service says...I can't even bear to process all of that.) Let me stress to you that there is literally nowhere else to put this snow. We are maxed out.

But back to today. Today was sucky because (after I woke up with toothpaste in my hair, wtf) Adobe fucked me hard and left me a broken woman. Evidently you can't install programs from two different Creative Suite packages, with two different license keys, because now I get a lovely message telling me that my licenses are fucked and I need to reinstall. This is for programs that I've had installed for 2.5, 3 years? That I use every day? It makes me want to pull my hair out and weep blood.

And I can't back it up with Time Machine because I thoughtlessly (!) deleted a bunch of backups from 2008-2009 (who fucking knew) and now my backups are probably worthless.

And then I almost got rear-ended on the way to my grandparents' house, because some twats forgot to let everyone know they were blocking the right lane for snow removal.

And then I did this: (gj, nichole)

So....yeah, it's been a crap day.

The only good thing? J found a house he'd like to buy and asked me, "Would you maybe be interested in co-habitating with me if I buy this place?" (lol nerd) No idea if he'll be able to afford it, and to be honest, I have reservations about leaving my little fortress of solitude (anyone know how hard it is to copy a "Do Not Duplicate" key? Do they really care?). But it is awesome that he asked; I guess being stuck with me all week has convinced him I'm not that bad to be stuck with. Although I probably discouraged him by going all shithouse when my Adobe stuff stopped working. Sorry again, J, I am mental.

Anyway. Better tomorrow, I hope.
sirena: (End on end like a long lost astronaut.)
Shitty Garage Band is back and they are mangling the already ear-bleeding guitar screeches of KoЯn's "Freak on a Leash." Check. Check. Check. Check. Check. Check. Check. Check. Check. Check. Check. Check. Check. Check. IT WORKS, OKAY.

On Sunday, it will be two weeks since Mrs. Fannon died. It has already been one week since her viewing last Thursday and her funeral on Friday.

I seem to have come to a weird zen place about it all. Whereas last week I was a trainwreck with my heart full of regret, I think now I am straddling acceptance and complete, irrational denial. There is absolutely a part of me that acknowledges that yes, she is gone. The memories of the funeral home are not imagined. I did walk up to her, at the end. I did see her. Even though that was not how I wanted to remember her, and she looked so thin, and her hair was gone. But I would never get to see her again, so I did.

My mother had told me to let go of the regret and stop being angry at myself, and while I knew she was right, it took someone who knew Mrs. Fannon, Mrs. Flagg, saying the same thing for me to really hear it. (That syntax is awful, I know.) "I'm mad," I said, and what I thought I meant was that I was angry that she had died, but she just said, "Don't. Don't you dare do that, you do that too much. She would be thrilled that you're here now." She knew what I meant better than I did. And she's right--Mrs. Fannon would not have wanted me to sit around for a week crying over her death. But it is precisely because that's how she was, that I was so heartbroken.

The funeral was packed. I was there half an hour early and it was already 60% full. There was a reception in the high school cafeteria afterwards, while her family attended the burial, and it was nice to see everyone again (only one other person from my class, though; but then, we always did suck). I hadn't seen Mrs. Coleman since the AP English test, probably. I feel like I might have been trying too hard to reconnect with everyone, who were dealing with their own losses, and I was certainly not the only student there who needed some consoling, either. So I made my rounds and snuck off to see if the rest of the school was open.

It was. And there, right upstairs, was her classroom, with the door open, and all of her things and her artwork right where she left it, most of it right where it had been since I was in high school. (If I closed my eyes, I could imagine her bustling through the room, hear her voice telling someone to tuck in their shirt.) Some of it was stuff I remembered from elementary and middle school, from before she moved out of the art room in the basement. I didn't realize how much I had taken these things for granted, the way I had taken her for granted, until I saw them again. So I did the only thing I could think to do: I took pictures with my cell phone.

(A side note: I'm going to Alumni Night at the fall festival this Friday. I'm thinking of asking my old principal and/or vice-principal (who love me, by the way, and I promise that isn't bragging) if there is something of hers I can have as a memento. I would love to have the "Birth of Venus Bean" poster she had on her door, because it has her handwriting on it, as well. I'm afraid this might come off as creepy, or scavenging. Yea/nay? I think they would understand, given that they know me and know how I feel about her death. But I just wanted to check.)

In a way, this has helped to heal a wound that I avoided for a long time. But this wasn't the way I wanted to do it.

BUT. That was all part of the acceptance. The rest is pure denial, because I feel incapable of conceiving of an OLMC without her. She was there as long as I was (minus kindergarten, sorry, Mr. Buck). The room was wholly hers. In one year everything will probably be gone, and I don't know what that is like, and part of me refuses to believe that could ever be the case.

I have resolved myself to be kinder, and more welcoming, and more optimistic in her honor. That was how she was. I know you will find this hard to believe, but sometimes I can be bitter and negative and spiteful. Most of the time I forget that I promised myself to be better and fall back on my old emo ways. But I'm trying. Something good should come out of this. (I'm also drawing again. Seeing as she was my art teacher, I thought it would be idiotic to let myself fall further into ruin.)

I will see her again. I want to believe this with all my heart.

In other news, after ten days of normalcy, the breathing issues came back Sunday. Right now it's not too bad, although I am having troubles yawning (seriously, wtf). I had a chest X-ray yesterday morning, putting me one radiology procedure closer to completing the circuit (MRI, ultrasound, CT scan, X-ray!). Hopefully it will come back clean. I still can't say what I think it is; sometimes I think it's something physical, and other times it feels psychological.

Also, I am getting totally chubbers because of it (and, ok, let's be honest: my laziness and my awful snacking habits). For once I will start doing something about this, but it's hard to keep eating salad because salad goes bad quickly and I really hate grocery shopping. I keep waiting to get some motivation, but really, there's no need or reason to wait for that. You just do it, whether or not you are motivated. Motivation can come later.

Look, look. Sometimes I can be mature.
sirena: (banksy; i'm nothing if not unrealistic)
Oh-kay, Halloween--check, awesome, blah blah.

So I've been reluctant to post anything for a while because there is something I'm particularly fixated on, but I really, really do not want to jinx anything, and yes, I am honestly that superstitious. I will say something for sure once I know more, and oh please please please let it work out. If it doesn't, it will be for no good reason at all, and I refuse to abide by such capriciousness. Do you hear me, Universe? I will have none of it.

but i waaaaaant it

Anyway, other than that, November has been full of:
  1. GEOCACHING! My handle ("handle"? whatever) is flamingwreck, if any of y'all do this also and want to be Geocaching friends or whatever. So far I have found three, which is...sort of pathetic, but everybody has to start somewhere. I've already discovered places I wouldn't otherwise have known about, which I suppose is part of the whole point anyway.
  2. Getting into huge, awkward fights with Jeremy because of my PMS-induced insanity. Although his shitty attitude and some shit timing on my part are partly to blame, the less we speak of this, the better.
  3. Making some swanky posters at work! Yes, I did major in animation. No, I haven't properly animated anything since 2006. But if I had majored in Graphic Design I probably wouldn't be here anyway, and my time machine is nonexistent, so this is quite a moot point, now isn't it? Anyway, if I could be Aesthetic Apparatus, I would, in a heartbeat.

    Not that I've given up on animation, I'm just in a rut and have no time, really.

I think that's it.

Oh, and I've caved to the (imagined) peer pressure and decided to get a Twitter! But which username??
  • ghostlight
    I like ghosts (as long as they don't wake me up at night), I like lights, I like ghostlights. And I like the combination of words. I've used it a fair bit in...other places that I can't remember right now, haha.

  • flamingwreck
    I, uh, identify with this one (ha), and it's my domain name, and a ton of other stuff.

It's pretty ridiculous, but this is the only real stumbling block to my enjoying Twitter goodness. Hope me, LJ friends!*

Oof. The heat just came on and now it smells like popcorn. WTF, apartment.
sirena: (kate; a homunculus!)
Well jeez, let's not let this get to two months without updating.

It's been a whole lot of nothing over here, true believers, which (along with laziness, naturally) is the cause for what is probably my longest absence from LJLand to date. But look, I'm alive! I'll prove it:

Nicki Lighthouse
There I am, wearing my itchiest sweater FOR YOU.

I guess that doesn't really prove anything. If only I had a newspaper to hold up in front of the camera! (Oh wait, I do, because Naeha leaves them laying all over the living room.)

Anyway, this isn't a post saying that I've drifted away from LJ and I'm sorry but I'm going away and blah blah. It's the opposite, actually. I miss all of you, still, and in all honesty? It was partially the guilt (oh, and the laziness) that kept me from posting something sooner. I don't know why I should feel guilty about my own journal but then, I do feel guilty about everything. I am a bit upset, though, that September 2008 is more or less lost to the vapors of my memory.

Hopefully future posts will be about how much I'm starting to love going to the gym! I had better, because I just spent $230 on membership today. D:

THE END, for now, and let it not go another TWO FUCKING MONTHS NICHOLE! before I post again.
sirena: (banksy; i'm nothing if not unrealistic)
[stumbles into room, collapses into chair, misses completey, falls to floor]

YOU GUYS. I'm sorry. I'm not dead. I was...lost! In the Kalahari Desert! Surviving on wild watermelon and antelope! Until I was discovered--my throat parched and my mind feverish and thoroughly mad from the heat--by a family of nouveau riche publishing moguls who happened to be on safari there, riding camels across the dry riverbed.

In any case! Here I am now. Here is my life since the last one. (If it is overly long, it's because this is for my own benefit as much as anyone's--more so, even.)


It turns out that the PET (?) scan revealed another cancerous lymph node, which means he has Stage 2, not 1. But the outlook is still overwhelmingly positive. They aren't going to operate to remove the other node; they're just going to kill it with chemo and radiation. The chemo has made him feel sick and faint and has given him horrible mouth/tongue pain (thrush) as well as other bits of general crappiness. Not sure when he's going to lose his hair. For some reason I thought it would have happened by now, but he's still got his full head, so.


For around two months now, I have been having this weird pain in the right side of my abdomen, right across from my navel. It started during a time of...unusual gastrointestinal difficulty, so at first I attributed it to that. But the weeks went by and it still hurts. (Hurt a lot in LA, actually.) It hurts ONLY when I'm up and walking around, tightening my stomach muscles. In LA, some uncomfortable fullness after a large breakfast at Denny's caused it to NOT hurt. It doesn't hurt to press on it--actually, if it's hurting, it feels better if I press on it.

It hasn't been bothering me too much lately because I'm back at work and largely sedentary, but that's not to say that whatever's causing it isn't still there. I've had an ultrasound done, which showed absolutely nothing. My blood test came back fine. Next up is a CT scan! Yaaaay.


Yeah, so I finally got this thing to fix my stupid jaw. It seems to be helping, although I am probably not wearing it as much as I should (but can you blame me? It is damn hard to talk with this thing in, and I get pissed off every time I try).

UHHHH. oh yeah.

For an extra $100 a month (which J is paying to me in exchange for me letting him keep stuff in here--this was the condition upon which I finally agreed), I moved out of my tiny closet-like room and into the big room with the large closet and the BATHROOM (half-bath, but still) all to myself. Now I have room to do my pilates!


On July 26, J and I went out to the Eastern Shore to stay in this beach house down the road from some friends of his. Dude is an amateur movie maker and was debuting his newest finished film. (I really want to be nice, but I can't say that I thought his execution was very good.) It was a really cool beach house and a really cool weekend overall (biting flies notwithstanding). The nights out there are so dark and clear that you can see every star. I spotted Cassiopeia and realized that I need to learn more constellations. And spend a lot more time out on a dock, lying on my back and pointing out stars.


On August 5 we all took a day off work to go to an amusement park. I survived the DOMINATOR! without vomiting and was proud. Had more luck on the Avalanche, and opted to skip the (scary) Volcano and the bumpy Grizzly. And whatever else scary things they have there. Had better luck in the water park, getting dumped on by a giant bucket of water (so much water! Almost lost my shorts) with Bryan and his girlfriend, Vanessa.

Then J and I got into a big fight over him not listening to a damn thing I said and me being mental and we almost broke up on the drive home, but we did not and I am happy because of that.


For one reason or another, we could not get a direct flight from BWI to LAX. I was so paranoid about losing luggage that I decided to cram one week's worth of stuff into one carry-on sized suitcase and a tote bag. AND I DID. So we stayed in this absolutely gorgeous hotel, the Biltmore, which is where a few Academy Awards were hosted, and is also the last place Elizabeth Short, aka The Black Dahlia, was seen alive. (spooky)

Also, the pool (which I swam in!) was featured in Cruel Intentions.

And guys, it is 11:11pm (!) and I am pooped, so I am just going to cut it off here for now and finish this some other time in the near (I mean it!) future.

NEXT TIME ON Sin Tetas No Hay Paraíso (lol):
- and MY NEW CAR!

Good night, my darlings. :)
sirena: (blue beetle; wtf?)
Ugh, a lot of stuff has happened since last time and here it all is.
  1. (This may have happened before the last post, I don't remember.) When J and I went to see Get Smart (which I really enjoyed, actually, even though it was very much Steve Carrell on the screen and not Steve-Carrell-channelling-Don-Adams (but that's okay, I like Steve Carrell)), we parked in a garage in Bethesda. Above the thing that spits out your ticket was an LCD display, which showed the date and time and a short message: The door is open. So weirded out.
  2. Allie has seen Linda since she sent me that weird email, and she is not dead or possessed/eaten/otherwise seized by a demonic house, or replaced by a pod person.
  3. Allie graduated, I went to her party and did not get drunk at all (I succumbed to an abdomen full of carbonation instead). Soon she will get a good job and make much more money than me. (Haha, not jealous. Nope.)
  4. I decided to take Lily's room when she moves out, but as always there are complications and she is dragging her fucking feet getting back to me about it. For fuck's sake, woman, stop being a party girl for five minutes and email me IT IS NEARLY MID-JULY. Also, IT IS NEARLY MID-JULY and you have still not found housing yet. What are you waiting for??
    1. OK, she did just email me (four days later), but is still being a PITA.
  5. I have been playing the shit out of FFX-2 since I paranoidly abandoned it four years ago. Going well so far.
  6. My brother has mono. Hooray!
  7. Anna arranged a big group trip to go white water rafting today, July 6.
    1. Yesterday I:
      1. Got a haircut!
      2. Went to REI and miraculously found Teva sandals in my size to wear on said rafting trip. Also cute flip flops.
      3. Went to Panera for lunch with Mum.
      4. Went to church since we were supposed to leave at 6:30am today, to make the 10am rafting time.
    2. At 8:35 pm I left for Jeremy's house; Bryan and Anna's friend Udaya were going to meet us there this morning and it would be easier for me to just stay there.
    3. At 9:10, 9:15-ish, I was driving down Rte. 108 in Clarksville. Nothing good on the radio--I think I had it switched to a crap remix of "Pocketful of Sunshine" (yes, I had to look it up). I came around a corner to an intersection (Centennial Lane, which means nothing to any of you but it's for my own recollection) and the light just turned yellow. I didn't have enough time to stop so I kept going. There was a car in the oncoming left turn lane, and as I entered the intersection I saw him pull out, assuming he was going to enter the intersection, wait for me to pass, and then turn (which is NOT a traffic violation; if you're in the intersection when the light turns red, you can still go). Instead, he just kept coming and I thought ohJesuspleaselethimstopmakehimstopmakehimstop--but we all know how this ends: with a front-end collision. Little fucker slammed right into me (or vice versa, if he had entered the path of my car).

      I screamed, both airbags deployed (which I don't remember, but sure enough there they were), and when I climbed out the whole car was filled with airbag powder and smelled like burning. I oriented myself and made sure the other car was ok--four people; two guys, a chick, and a younger kid, maybe 10. Dude #1 (driver) comes flying out of the car--"Why'd you do that, miss?! Why'd you do that?!" Um, do what? Drive in a straight line? He was in my face, accusing me of speeding (which I wasn't--I was going 45 at most in a 40 or 45 zone), giving me some bullshit about it being a "stop sign" (not sure if he meant this literally or if he was just spewing nonsense in the heat of the moment (and to which I replied, "No, it's a stop light, and it wasn't red, and you're supposed to yield to me")), telling me I was "way back there!" (it's not a blind curve, you can see it in the Google Map), and then asking me if I was drinking. Because when you're an incompetent driver, everyone else must be drunk. This pisses me off so much in retrospect; I wish I had had the presence of mind to tell that little asscocker off. How dare you.
    4. Anyway, I dug out my phone and called: 911; Jeremy (who was less than 10 minutes away); and my mother.
    5. My horn decided to spontaneously go batshit, and the firefighters had to cut the wires to the battery to get it to shut up.  Which means my New Pornographers CD is still trapped in the CD player.
    6. Jeremy showed up and we emptied out as much of my car as we could in the dark with no lights (see: no battery).
    7. When the cop took my license, etc., I noticed he had the other kid's in his hand, and it was the red, vertically-aligned, under-21 type. I'm hoping this means his insurance skyrockets, and that maybe it was his father's car and maybe he is super grounded for the rest of his life, and also maybe he is castrated. No, actually, I'm okay with the castration.
    8. The cop told me unequivocally that Dude is the at-fault driver, and even if I had been drinking, he would still be at fault, since I had the right of way.
    9. I'm going to guess it's totalled, but we'll see.  If I remember, I'll post some pictures.
    10. My mother, having just been in an accident last month (and who has been going to PT as a result), really wanted me to go to the hospital as a precaution.  When we got there it was 10:42; we waited until almost 1:00 until I heard my name called, which was a feat in itself, because
      1. It was difficult to hear anyone's name being called, much less understand what name was being said (no PA system?  No MVA-style your-number-is-being-called?  Nope, just a dude sticking his head out of a door across a busy, noisy room)
      2. DUDE YOU HAVE A THICK ACCENT.  Before I get anyone up in arms, I'm not being xenophobic.  I like accents a lot.  Just not when I'm trying to tell the difference between "Nichole" and "Michael" and between God knows how many last names.  Also,
      3. IT WAS ALMOST 1:00AM.  And I was exhausted.  He is lucky I wasn't asleep.
    11. I'm getting defensive because when I was taken into triage, in the middle of giving all of my vital information, I was told, "You know, I called your name 40 minutes ago."  ...Which is supposed to help me how?  What's your point, exactly?  I didn't hear you, dude, get over it. 

      After he finished taking my information, he asked me, "How long do you want to wait here?"  I looked at him, sort of dumbfounded, and said, "Uh...not long?  How long is it going to take?"  What the fuck kind of question is this?  He stared at me, looked at Jeremy (who was a total sweetheart and sat with me in the waiting room the whole boring time), and said, "Nevermind, I'll ask him.  How long do you want to wait?"  J was just as confused as I was.  "I dunno, 10 minutes?  Whatever, as long as it takes."  Seriously, what kind of question is this?

      So this guy (triage nurse? I am resisting the urge to call him "Dude" again) leads us into the ER rooms and says, "You can come with me now--unless you'd like to wait longer."  Okay, you know, I get it.  You called me, I didn't come a-runnin', and now you are going to rub it in my face every chance you get.  What a great idiot am I.  You are a cheerless jackass.  I DO NOT care that it is 1:00 in the morning.  This is your job.  You do not have an excuse to be bitchy with me, or to expect that I will be perfectly alert and awake when it's so late and I've just been in an accident and the spike of adrenaline is coming back down and I am lucky I can keep my eyes open.

      I'd really like to complain to someone about him, but I'm not sure of the right way to do it.
    12. Aside from the grumpy doctor (again, your job, be pleasant--even on my worst days in retail, I was always nice to people who were nice to me), the nurses were great.  Nothing broken; just a lot of bruises, some swelling on my left forearm, a cut on my right, and some abrasions from the airbag that are starting to itch a little.
    13. Needless to say, we skipped rafting.  :(
    14. But I do get a pass for 3 days off work.  :)
And now I am super super tired.  If you got this far, God bless you, you are a saint.
sirena: (banksy; i'm nothing if not unrealistic)
Anna and I split a margarita at lunch; I am sleepygirl. (It had no salt on the rim! NO SALT AT ALL. I had to apply my own. What The Hell Gordon Biersch.)

Urgh, so my grandfather got out of the hospital last...Wednesday? He's on oxygen all the time now, one of those things that pulls the oxygen from the air in the room and purifies it. It's sort of hard for me to see, and I can't imagine he's not completely frustrated by it, but right now there's no other alternative. It's just--a really uneasy time for me right now. My dog is old, my grandparents are old, my brother graduated college, his best friend graduated and moved to Wisconsin--it feels like everyone is leaving me (or getting ready to leave me) at the same time. Sometimes I wish I could just stay 13 forever. Awkward hair and all.

- J and I got into this big fight in which he was sort of douchebaggy, although I suppose his points weren't totally unfounded, but he was just being completely INFLEXIBLE and UNWILLING TO COMPROMISE. And lest you think I am bashing him without letting him defend himself, the existence and location of this LJ are no secret and he could pop in here at any time if he was so concerned about what I say behind his back. Har.
- I still have not bought anything for my father for Father's Day, and I'm not sure what to get him anyway, and maybe I'll just get him some Harry and David stuff.
- So bored at work. So very bored.
- I really need a universal remote that works with this TV so I can play Animal Crossing again. I have tried every code I can find. It makes me smad.
sirena: (banksy; i'm nothing if not unrealistic)
I am so uninclined to update this anymore. I should be posting in here for my own benefit, but I've lost touch with everyone and no one reads this anymore and so, yeah, blah. C'mon, I posted a video of a PENISCOPTER and elicited no response.
yeah yeah, HURF DURF COMMENT WHORE, blah blah

baaaaaaaby wallaby!

Hey look at this baby wallaby! [I meant to link that to an NBC4 story but forgot, and now it's 10/26/08 and the story's gone anyway.]

Anyway, quickly, over the weekend:
  1. Got a $40 speeding ticket in the mail Saturday from some bullshit speed camera. I hate Montgomery County.
  2. My mother got into an accident Sunday morning with these people who we think were on a drug run and/or high. She was in the right lane, doing the speed limit, when this car came up behind her really fast and rear-ended her. She hit the Jersey wall in the middle of the road. Her truck is possibly totaled. The best part was the other driver claming that it was my mother's fault, because she was driving too slow. Did you know that it's ok to ram someone if they're driving too slow for you? I guess that's new.
  3. My grandfather (asbestosis, emphysema, COPD) went to the hospital Sunday afternoon because he was having such a hard time breathing. The man is almost 79 years old, an ex-Marine, and a general hardass, so for him to agree to go to any doctor, much less the ER, means that it was pretty bad. They kept him overnight Sunday and last night and as far as I know he's still there. Bit worried.
  4. The DC area's obscene pollen counts have settled into my chest and given me this wicked cough/sore throat/sinus congestion combo and so I left work early today. Between the coughing and sneezing and the worry (#3), I'm a bit exhausted.
  5. J and I have been having our usual workaholism-related disagreements. No resolution reached yet.
  6. Saw the new Indiana Jones last night, and it was enjoyable while I was watching it, although there were a lot of parts that were a bit ridiculous. Overall: OK.

I am going to go back to blowing my nose and coughing now. At least I have the apartment to myself.
sirena: (banksy; i'm nothing if not unrealistic)
Updated two weeks ago! That is terrible, even by my lax posting standards.

Two things to get out of the way, then:

Rumsfeld arts and crafts!
Happy Belated Caleb's Birthday!

eggman dance
Happy Day-Early Michael Watson's Birthday!

There we go. The rest of this may be long, and I apologize, and I'll try to keep it interesting with lots of paragraph breaks.

Since the accident, I've had to do a lot of legwork with the other guy's insurance company. At one point I thought I was going to have to deal with his father, who wrote his policy, but fate intervened on my behalf and I got to avoid that awkward scenario. As I understand it, there was a dispute, but it seems to have worked in my favor, as his insurance is springing for a rental car for me. Huzzah! The downside of this is that it means I will have to clean out my trunk, which is full of three years work of art projects.

The weekend after the accident (10/5), we attempted to go camping. Unfortunately all we managed was to make the 1.5 hour trip out there, find everything full, drive around some freaky dirt roads in the mountains at night, and come home. The actual camping trip happened this past weekend, which was a bit colder but not unbearable, except when the dog woke up at 4am to pee.

SUNDAY! Was of Montreal at Ram's Head Live (MGMT and Grand Buffet opened). It was ever bit as surreal and fantastic as I had expected. I'm slightly depressed to learn that Kevin Barnes looks better in fishnets than I do. Easily the most amazing show I've ever been to that wasn't a TMBG show (I've seen them so many (6!) times, they're in a different category). It was a lot like this:

(Also, a slideshow of pictures from Sunday)

I think I am in love with you, Kevin Barnes, but I'm afraid I ain't got no Soul Power.

In other news, the Bad Days have shown up a bit late. J doesn't seem to understand how debilitating and paralyzing my fears are, and I am afraid of a lot of things. I don't know how to explain it to him, and I'm afraid he won't care and just wants me to get over it, and I feel horrible and disgusting at the thought of saying them out loud anyway. So I shut down. I don't know what to do with this--I just want to get in my car and drive and get lost.

Also: For Halloween, my roommates want to go out to Adams Morgan or Dupont Circle (big obnoxious party), J wants to go to his friend's for a party (small, possibly obnoxious party at which I will likely be the only person not drinking). I would be perfectly content to put on my Jem thang and go wander around Fells Point again or Ellicott City or Annapolis or Georgetown. Or just go driving. But I have stupidly acquiesced to both of these things when I'd really rather not do either.

I am off to go watch an episode of X-Men: The Animated Series now.
sirena: (Default)
Your weekend recap, purely for my own recollective benefit (and apparently "recollective" is not a word):

Monday, 09.17
After much bitching, J and I drove up to Baltimore to see Paprika. I quite enjoyed it, and it was, as always for Satoshi Kon, beautifully animated. I wish I could have seen the brainstorming/storyboarding sessions for that. "And here, a giant baby will emerge from the robot!" Right. Not as mind-fucky as Paranoia Agent (or probably Perfect Blue, which I haven't gotten around to seeing yet), but still pretty bizarre.

What was Tuesday? I don't remember. Oh well.

Wednesday, 09.19
Apples in Stereo at the 9:30 Club (plus Aquaduct and...shit, I forgot the other band)
Great show. It's a bit weird in that I've been listening to the band since 2001 and until now they've only existed to me as sound, but now they're Real! Physical! People! There was a bit of banter, but mostly it was just about the music, and I admit that I've been a bit spoiled by TMBG in that regard.

Also we got followed down the street by a dude who wanted money. But he wasn't a crackhead, he swears. I should've asked to see his teeth and his arms.

I have already forgotten Thursday and Friday, except for the Friday night Mountain Goats show at Sonar that I didn't go to. :(

Saturday, 09.22
Allie and I got lunch and wandered around Barnes and Noble and didn't buy anything. :D

Sunday, 09.23
Boring car maintenance; took it to the car wash, which was miserable mostly because it was hot and I have no A/C and obviously had to keep the windows up. So I was focusing on the radio to keep my mind off the heat, when suddenly the station just cuts to static. I feel a great sense of dread as I look in the rearview, and sure enough, the great spinny things in the carwash have snapped the antenna clean off my car. Possibly they got caught around the Chik-Fil-A cow antenna topper. Bollocks!

And now I am at work, and this is no longer interesting, if it ever was, and I'll leave it go right here.
sirena: (banksy; i'm nothing if not unrealistic)
[disclaimer: This is long. Here, I will save you the trouble: tl;dr]

So I don't post anymore, it seems. It's kind of unfortunate, and it bothers me in that, thanks to LJ, I had a pretty complete reference of almost everything that's gone on in my life for the past 6.5 (!!! omg) years. I would hate for this year to be just a big blur.

That said: Not a whole lot has been going on! At all. Haha.

Well, I guess some stuff, maybe. Saturday Jeremy&Offspring and I went rock climbing, to make up for my missing it due to vacation. I was pretty proud of myself for getting 3/4 of the way up on my first go, but after that my complete lack of upper body/finger strength fucked me over and I never made it much beyond halfway. Climbing is all in your legs. But the time in between, when you're hanging there looking for a hand- or foothold that you can get to, is all upper body. And fingers. Oh, fingers; I thought I would never be able to make a fist again.

Friday J and I went to White's Ferry to have lunch with Dr. Newman and his lab, and it was a lot of fun actually, and the food was surprisingly good as well, and I'm mostly recounting this because I'd like to go back there and go canoing, although I'll probably drown in the process.

I move in maybe a month. Less than that, even. I am trying not to think about it too much because I am going to end up missing my dog and my grandparents like whoa, and when I think about that I wonder what the fuck I was even thinking, why am I moving so far away from my dog? And my grandparents?

It sounds stupid when I write it out.

In a week and a half is my 5-year high school reunion, and I don't even understand how that is possible, or why I agreed to go, really.

In two and a half weeks J and I go to SIGGRAPH! Which we have already discussed.

Janek's daughter was born yesterday, and maybe now he will be so overcome with joy that he can stop pissing the rest of us off, and yes, I'm being deliberately vague--but hopefully, knowing Janek, my future self will be able to figure it out.

Otakon is this weekend and it's the first year since 2001 that I won't have gone. I'm sort of sad about it, but at the very least this means I won't have the flu next week.

Today I had a--well, I was going to call it an existential crisis, but given that it wasn't really existential, I guess it was just a crisis. And I felt like shit all day, and I am still waiting and waiting for Jeremy to get sick of all of this. I've been Sullen Girlfriend way too often lately.

I think, at the root of everything, my problem is that I'm really just scared.

Ahhh, I didn't mean for it to end all sad and mopey. Here, here, take this instead: A not-very-well-thought-out commentary on Harry Potter & the Order of the Phoenix. OBVIOUSLY SPOILERY )

Yay yay yay. The best part of seeing it, though, was finding out that Jeremy has read all of them (except for HBP) and now I can geek out with him and OH LOVE YAY.
sirena: (♥ Streets of Rage)
Last post today, I swear. OH, it's tomorrow already, so never you mind. But this one's not interesting, just a State of the Nicki kind of thing.

01. SAM SAM SAM, tomorrow/today's NB(f) will be inked because I'm tired of my smudgy pencils. I found it, but I decided I wanted to redo it. We'll see how far that gets. ;) Anyway, NO, I did not forget.

02. Hello [ profile] th3newblack! pretty much the usual goings-on around here.

03. ATTN SAM2 and RACHEL&JASON: Your cards totally will be in the mail tomorrow! Unbelievable, right? MATT and JOEL and...somebody else... Uh, well, let's say if I owe you some type of correspondence, you leave me a note here. I was going to make a poll but it's too late and I'm too lazy.

ETA:Now with new OMAC spoilery things that probably no one will read, oh well. :) )

I made a Blue Beetle, but I'm stuck as far as animation.  Maybe I'll give him scarab powers


sirena: (Default)

June 2011

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