sirena: (End on end like a long lost astronaut.)
Moving is probably one of the most stressful, frustrating things I have ever done, and I am not doing it ever again.

Also I miss my apartment.

but i have to be a big girl now
sirena: (Default)
Hey hey hi hi. Once again, my (mis)adventures will become lost to the ether of forgetfulness if I don't take the time to actually write anything down. Here I go!

Wednesday (9/12) was TMBG Concert! It was, as always, rockin', and was easily the best spot I've ever had at a TMBG concert. Oh, how can I stop getting weirded out when Linnell's eyes meet mine? I left without a second drumstick to match the one I got last December (the picture is missing because my paid account expired, thus did Scrapbook, but trust me when I tell you that it looks like a drumstick someone chewed on), but oh, what a great night. I could listen to Dan Miller's excellent "Istanbul" intro all day.

That said, here are some songs I wish They would play, or play more often:
Everything Right Is Wrong Again / Rhythm Section Want Ad / She Was A Hotel Detective / Lie Still, Little Bottle (with The Stick!) / Purple Toupee / They'll Need A Crane / We Want A Rock / Letterbox / Mostly everything from Apollo 18 / No One Knows My Plan / Destination Moon / Stomp Box / The End of the Tour / Meet James Ensor (I guess this is played fairly often, but I miss it) / Spiraling Shape / James K. Polk / Lullabye to Nightmares / Bangs / Cyclops Rock / Man, It's So Loud In Here

And dammit, They played like half of The Else and didn't play "Climbing the Walls." Also, "Brain Problem Situation" --why was that relegated to B-side status? I think it's lots better than, say, "Contrecoup."

Nerd rant nerd rant nerd rant.

Anyway, so that was Wednesday, and I have some other musical performancey things coming up, but I will not jinx them.

I've been coming home on the weekends, which is great but sort of disorienting, as if it's still my space, but it isn't. I feel like this computer isn't mine anymore, this room isn't mine anymore. I appreciate the proximity of the apartment, but there are lots of times when I'd just as soon say fuck it and move back again because I miss everything and everyone so badly. Then I tell myself to just grow up and deal with it, that I'm an adult now and this is what adults do--they move far away from everything and everyone they know and love and are lonely and miserable.

I feel like Jeremy doesn't really understand why I'm always coming home, which is frustrating, and then I refuse to talk to him about it and then everyone is even more frustrated. How will he ever understand if you don't explain it to him, Nichole? Am I the only one who has such a problem with this? My roommates have absolutely no problem with not seeing their families for months on end. Jeremy hasn't been back to Minnesota in maybe a year (?), and hadn't talked to his mother in six months until he called her when we were in San Diego. How is this possible for anyone? I couldn't bear it.

Clearly the thing to do is to stop crying about it and thinking about it and worrying about it and instead to just bury it, forever and ever.


Aug. 28th, 2007 08:11 pm
sirena: (End on end like a long lost astronaut.)
--the Danger Room, which is my new name for the Apartment, into which I have finally moved. It's a bit lonely, as I am a hopeless introvert/recluse and have no friends in the area--all my friends are an hour away, and I can't cling to Jeremy because I don't want him to become a crutch.

My life right now.

I am really really anxious, lke leg-jumpy, nausea-inducing, mind-racing anxious. I have nine tabs open in just this window alone because I can't focus on any one of them. It's taken me at least an hour just to get around to actually making this post. I may finish up reading these tabs, watch a movie, and go to bed.

Ah, hell. What is wrong with me? I thought I was doing so well. Fall 2005 was The Magical Semester--my social life exploded, I made friends all over the place, I had some confidence going. Right now my social phobia is so crippling that I can't even bring myself to go shopping alone for bras and a makeup mirror, both of which I am in desperate need of. I spent an extra 6¢ a gallon on gas this morning because the cheaper station didn't have a credit card swipy thing at the pump, and I would have had to go inside and pay the cashier.

Just thinking about this is making me feel worse, so I will stop now and go and have a little look at the Internet.


Jun. 22nd, 2007 12:48 pm
sirena: (Default)

Now I am 60% ecstatic, 20% sad (it's so far away from Mum [who is totally my best friend, y'all] and Allie and Steph and my grandparents and my brother and MY PUPPY) and 20% SCARED OUT OF MY MIND. I can't even cook. It's Pop-Tarts and ramen from August on.

So I have to force myself to be 100% happy or else I will freak out.

sirena: (Default)
I am having a shitty day for no good reason.

Also, why is it so fucking hard to find a place to rent down here? I am
just going to get depressed and pissed off about it now so I can better
handle the crushing rejection that will inevitably come later.


sirena: (Default)

June 2011

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